A double cappuccino should cover it!

I gotta feel for the friendly locally owned and by no means corporate juggernaut Starbucks.  Everyday in towns like your own, poor Starbucks locations are being taken advantage of by rent-dodging portable businessmen!

And why wouldn't a small coffee cover all office rental fees?  It's time to take a stand people.  No longer can we allow someone to set up a desktop computer, monitor, printer, fax machine, separate laptop, network cable and router to power both devices with the wonders of the inter-webs, plus 3 coffees, two sodas, and a large suitcase with rolling wheels to top it off... at the local coffee giant. 

The worst part is the coffee shops are helping them do it!  Every counter comes complete with 300 outlets, wifi, and all other means of connectivity.  Take a stand and use the drive-thru!(Yes I planned that irony that at no point would you stand up going through the drive-thru)

Guitarded!

Breaking news! A recent study found in the amount of time it takes to master expert mode on guitar hero, you could have actually become one.

Flamer jokes aside, this man is obviously burning up the charts one colorful button at a time.  And who wouldn't be proud enough of their digital endeavors and button mashing ability to purchase a flaming guitar/strap/shirt set complete with obligatory rock-fist?   Of course this guitar package only becomes available once you unlock and beat the game on the maximum virginity difficulty level!

Rock on.

It's a Girl!!!

Who wouldn't want their girlfriend to play video games with them?  Every man's dream right? Wrong!

Ok, so maybe I exaggerated a little on the wrong part but it is seemingly cruel to subject your love interest to endless banter.  "Hey baby want to catch my bullets?"  And why wouldn't every guy on the face of an xbox try and pick up a girl whom they never met and is destined to be hundreds of miles away and probably has a boyfriend and isn't attracted to gamers and probably hates pickup lines and for all you know weighs 450 pounds... all on the one and a million shot shes going to ditch the controller, hop in her Civic and ravage you sexy!

That mute button is a saint among sinners isn't it?

You can't catch me!

To quote The Dark Knight, "This town deserves a better class of criminal."

So you think your pretty crafty eh?  Hacked on to your favorite online vendor and snaked a few card numbers!  So what do you do?  Obviously go to homedepot.com buy 3 grand in power tools and caulk(ha he said caulk...) and ship it to your place of residence for the sheer convenience of not having to borrow your buddies truck!  And yes I refuse to buy a truck for that reason alone.

The perfect crime right?  Well... no my friend.  Your computer skills are impressive and your online shopping skills are nothing to scoff at, but there's one fatal flaw.  "Would you like to ship to a different address than you are billing to?" 

Come on people! You can't really believe you won't get caught shipping stolen merchandise to your own parents basement. And lets be realistic, the power tools only make you feel more manly and you're gonna need that whilst locked up in prison!

The iVolution!

I understand an iPod.  I also understand an iPhone.  And I even understand an iPad.

But, touchscreen overload can become a problem!!
After much consideration and an eye opening experience I found it is possible to over-gadgetize oneself!

And iPod for music is great!  An iPhone for calls. music, and internet is great! An iPad for internet and music is great!  But please don't buy all three for their respective uses when one can do all three!

That is all =)

Like I wanted to hear your voice anyway!

OMG I saw you called lol!  what did you need???

Of course behind this lies a perfectly worded, explanatory, and concise voice mail describing each and every detail of the 30 minute text conversation that is about to ensue.  But why save time when we can furiously abbreviate already short phrases with a flurry of lol, brb, rofl, and omfgtih's!(Ok I made that last one up "Oh My Fucking God That Is Hilarious"  Catchy though right?) 

Daydream with me for a second... I am cruising around in a 1989 Ford Pinto blasting Vanilla Ice, sans bluetooth of course.  When all of a sudden I missed a call!  What is that tiny little phone icon in the corner?  Who knows!  So I decide to ignore it and send a quick text reply whilst driving with my left knee and eating a taco courtesy the local eatery.  Moments later my power steering gives out rendering the leverage my knee puts forth useless, now im barreling out of control going 25 down the town side street.  Oh no, a lost puppy in the road!  Squeeelllll... Screeeech... Sweeeerve... thank goodness we avoided the crash and the puppy is ok!!!  Of course the Pinto didn't make out as clean, suffering catastrophic taco stains to the rear and passenger upholstery. 

Now, not only am I stuck with a grade E beef stained car, but I am hungry and have wasted a perfectly good dollar only to create the newest taco rendition...The Whirlwind beefy cheesy surprise(.99 cents for a limited time only).  

What have we learned here today?  Well for starters, read the manual with your phone that tells you what the voice mail icon looks like! For the men out there I know this is unrealistic so simply hit buttons until you figure it out.  And second, voice mail is a great service that deserves better than an undignified text response questioning the very livelihood that is the 30 second message so thoughtfully left in your in-box!

Puppies and Pintos around the world thank you for you consideration of the above article.

Hands Free Baby!

Let me preface this post.  I have, for at least a few hours walked around with a bluetooth headset.  And yes it was empowering. 

That said, its not as sexy as it looks in the picture <------

Safe! Reliable! Crystal clear on a wind-less earth! I get it while driving, or evening talking to the girl on the phone at home, but the mall?  Even worse, whilst bowling? (yes its been done)  We have all seen THAT guy.  I'll even issue a one time, I just wanted to try it pass.  But what happens if it becomes cool?  Then we have 2 million people in one city walking around with bluetooth headsets on and a serious health risk!

We all heard your not supposed to cross the streams in Ghostbusters, and I would caution the same tale here!  One day a few happy "that" guys are walking around chatting it up with their cooler than life friends, and the next Ghosts are brought into the world via bluetooth signal overdose.  Its a classic tale really. Technology saves lives, then years later becomes too popular and revives the dead.

Posted from my iDroidBerry!

"O Em GEE I'm so excited to go to dinner tonight!"
-sent from my iDroidBerry-
As enthralling as the message was, the whole picture of this is very disturbing.  Don't get me wrong, I'm all for mobile email capabilities, internet on the go and the expansion of my digital life, but status should be left for Facebook. 

Who wouldn't be excited you responded to an email on your phone?  But there's no need to rub it on the poor soul who doesn't use a data package.  THIS IS AMERICA! what happened to equality, you don't see the email from your besties flip phone read "sent from my reliable flip!"  apparently that is un-hip! Well people, under this precedence it seems all phones were created equal.  Shouldn't Thomas Jefferson roll in his grave.  Lets give "dumb-phones" a chance here.  I move to abolish the phone-tag auto attached on all messages for America! Not to mention the people who have to suffer from the ode-to-douche that reeks in the air!

I already see in 3D!

Mustache aside, this is a stunning group wouldn't you say?  It seems this disturbing trend of sub-par 3d movies has one saving grace... those stylish specs everyone is trying to get their hands on. Who ever said Rec Specs were dead?

Picture this, your dream girl agrees to dinner and being the romeo you are you went for the candle lit table for two and a home cooked meal.  Logic tells us that shiny new 3D TV you have sitting in the living room is a perfect end to the evening.  Dinner was a hit and shes snuggled up with you on the couch watching the latest release of Jackass 3D(unfortunately The Notebook didn't quite make the 3D cut, tear...).  The mood is right, candles are light and its time for the big moment... CLANK!  Glasses unite!  In normal situations a kiss would be the result but you and your date were thwarted by the imprisoning power for your 3D vision.  Now your date realizes the awkward tension, panics and your possibly happy marriage of the future is never to be.


I don't want to seem like a downer on this revelation in entertainment, but its obvious that 3D glasses are home-wreckers denying the very love that was possible with our mystery couple above!  Blame yourself? Never, it was shiny and you bought on impulse, I get it. Let us unite together to remove the shackles these glasses bring to your face and have real 3D entertainment with our already 3D capable eyes!